Once upon a time in yoga class, we were laying in savasana and the instructor guided us to breathe into each part of our body. She advised that, should we have an injury, no matter how old, to breathe past it. Breathe past it to a time before the injury, when there was no pain.
Today I paid a visit to my home of nearly 30 years ago – the place where I came of age. I walked the surrounding familiar streets, stood outside my former apartment building, and sat in the green space behind it. And I breathed. I breathed past it all. Past 29 years.
I breathed past disappointments in myself and others;
I breathed past “what ifs”;
I breathed past struggles, hurt, anger and all the other baggage-injuries that 29 years can hold.
I sat as I did as a 20 year old. Full of youthful confidence, strength and hope for the future.
I was just quietly myself.
How lovely. I found the essence of me.
I decided right then and there – I am taking this me back as I leave.
It’s a rainy, dark, chilly and dismal day here in my neck of the woods. Yet, I love a rainy day! And I was able to score some time off of work leaving the hectic schedule behind to pause and simply be grateful.
Lately, it seems I have focussed too much on what has gone awry in my life. “My former church hurt me, it was so unfair, now what …” But, you know what? It’s time to leave all that behind. Life rarely goes as planned. And why waste time and energy meditating on things and people that went wrong? With a little change in perspective and a slight shift in direction, unplanned circumstances can lead to wonderful places. This, in all actuality, is what has happened. I need to remember that.
So, here I am today, making Coq au Vin in my slow cooker and anticipating a lovely night in with a dear friend who has become like a sister to me. I’ve messaged back and forth with the precious grown up daughters, and with the hubby. Life is good!
I realize how very blessed I am. It seems the small events and happenings all add up to a wonderful life. I couldn’t go another day without acknowledging this.
And now I look forward to the future.
If I knew (really knew) there was an expiry date on my life, would I go inside now and finish my ironing? Or would I polish off this exquisite bottle of 2015 Shiraz, sitting here in my gazebo, surrounded by tall so-typically-Canadian evergreens, backgrounded by the steady rumble of crickets?
Would I worry about the size of my thighs, my slightly too soft “mummy tummy”, how many steps I walked today, and whether or not that small cluster of spider veins will turn varicose? Or would I breathe in this early-night air, feel the August breeze on my skin, flex my toes, and exhale “ahhhh” contemplating how incredibly beautiful it is that I got to be ALIVE on this wonderful summer day?
If I knew my days were numbered, would I let minor annoyances grow into mountainous misunderstandings? Would I fight with my loved ones? Or would I simply whisper: “I love you”and leave the rest to sort itself?
Would I worry about who did me wrong? The time someone hurt my feelings? Would I even have time to think about who dislikes me and why they feel that way? Or would I celebrate the miracle of being completely, totally MYSELF?
The truth is, we are all mortal. Not one of us will be around forever. Some are awakened to this fact. Others still sleep.
As for me? I want to embrace and enjoy every single minute of this One Precious Life.