Often what initially looks like a disaster, ends up being the best thing that ever happened.
“Whatever you are physically…male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy–all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside.” ― Cassandra Clare,
“If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I really wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized that I do not admire what everyone seems to admire, I would really begin to live after all. I would be liberated from the painful duty of saying what I really do not think and acting in a way that betrays God’s truth and the integrity of my own soul.” – Thomas Merton
This quote resonated with me today.
Over the last few years I have realized how important it is to be true to myself. I have spent so much time in the past trying to live up to some ideal. And the thing is, in many ways I achieved it. But when it came down to it, I wasn’t happy. I have had to rethink a lot of roles I used to play. I have had to let go and leave some behind for my own well-being.
I don’t think anyone is happy when they are living a life that is not true to who they really are.
I remember being in my late teens and leaving home. That first taste of independence and freedom is so precious. I recall entering the residence at the university I was attending, and this song was playing:
Lately that old song has come to mind again. I know there are times when I make mistakes – when I mess up – and I can be really hard on myself. I used to get embarrassed when my behaviour was less than steller, especially if it drew some attention. But in the last year, I have been more accepting of myself. After all, these little imperfections are part of who I am. They will be the fodder for memories and loving jokes when I am no longer here. They form part of my imprint on this world. They distinguish me as uniquely myself. This is true for all of us. I have come to realize that sometimes you just have to let go of who you think you should be – what you believe is expected of you – and “raise a little hell of your own”.
Perfection is not required around here. Nobody needs to fit into a small box of a role with me.
I have found a lot of peace in this.