Footprints in the Snow

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Just over a week ago, our little neck of the woods experienced what was probably the worst snow storm of this winter. Actually, ice storm is the best description. So many of us wondered when will this winter ever end! After all, it was late April!

Yet, here we are today, the first day of May, and that snow and ice is a distant memory. I see a robin in one of our oak trees as I write this. The sun is still shining where, a couple months ago, we would be enveloped in darkness. All the remnants of that late ice storm have melted away! We thought winter would go on forever. But it didn’t. It left as quickly as it came.

And this got me to thinking about life.

This past week-end my Wild Child, along with my darling Grandson, moved into an apartment of their own. They have been living with the hubby and I for over 3 years now. The Little Man was only 1 and 1/2 when they first arrived to stay! And now he’s almost 5. And, though I am so thrilled for them and proud of my daughter, suddenly this home is very quiet (I hear the clock ticking madly). Things are a little less tussled and becoming more and more adult as each day passes. Wow! What a change!

I have blogged about my wonderful Wild Child before. One thing this family can always count on, is that life will never be boring with her in it! Things change suddenly! Flash back three years ago, and we had little warning before she moved home again with her baby boy in tow. A couple weeks to be exact! I recall rushing around (at Christmas time, no less!) preparing the place for a little one; thinking about what is safe to leave out and what must be stored. I had an adult home and it was going to change in a hurry! In the end, adjusting to the full house and toddler-fun came easy.  We all settled in and it seemed like these circumstances would last forever (or at least for a very long time!)

That’s not how it happened though!

Suddenly, with less than a month’s notice, things have changed. But isn’t that how life goes? Circumstances change the way winter quickly gives way to spring. When the time is right, things fall into the place that is right.

This is a good thing.

I’m happy for my daughter. She’s 25 and ready to have a place on her own. And the Little Man has grown to be a strapping young lad of almost 5!

It’s just that today, I feel in a ruminating mood. I’m thinking that we should never take for granted, our circumstances, or the people, or the time of life we are in. At the end of the day, count it all joy. Because when things change, they will change quickly.

Early this morning (this very quiet morning!) I awoke and wondered about my Magical Garden that I have blogged about here. Specifically, I was wondering about that wonderful tulip that appeared suddenly, unexpectedly, and from I’m-not-sure where. I questioned: would it still be there? In that moment, it was so important to me that it would be there again this year. So, I rushed to the garden and – Yes! – it has pushed it’s way up through the soil and is starting to grow! I silently said a prayer of gratitude. That little tulip has brought me joy for many years now, right around the early spring. I’m so pleased it’s still with us!

I wish you all joy in your individual journeys

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I wish us all balance in the ever changing constancy of life! 2018-05-01 18.32.46

 

 

 

 

There is No Pity Party Here

Yesterday evening I received a message from a well-meaning friend. She went on quite a bit about the latest antics of my Wild Child (my youngest who I blogged about Here.)

How I must be “suffering”, my friend lamented, at the “odd” behaviour of my free spirited hippie baby girl. How “horrible” for her to not attend the latest family event. Then the whole diatribe was summed up with the not so subtle accusatory statement on my “silence” regarding this episode, which I suppose was odd as well. Why ever would I have not yet contacted her to discuss all the sordid details of my latest apparently very public and extremely strange family drama!

My reply to her was short. We are doing fine as a family. We are no more nor less disfunctional than any other family out there, truth be told. In fact, I believe we put the proverbial “fun” in disfunctional!

And now I am taking to blogging over this, because I know in my heart this issue is simply an advanced form of the same old “Mommy bashing “ I and others experienced with our toddler and preschooler delights tantruming in grocery stores, at schools, and appearing in line-ups everywhere, to a rapt audience of “perfect “ on-lookers who have never seen the likes of such a scene. (Ya, right! You know you are secretly thanking god it’s not you this time and, in fact, you know it probably WILL be you next time!) But I digress. My point is as follows.

First of all, no one member of this family holds the key to control the ENTIRE emotional temperature of the rest of us. Yes, we care about and love each other. But we are healthy enough to know we are each separate individuals and we don’t judge ourself on the other member’s behaviour. We accept our differences. We may not like and support the other person’s actions, so we are quite willing to hand over the consequences of unacceptable behaviour to the person at fault. Hey, maybe we even need to distance ourselves for a while. But make no mistake, when the chips are down, each member returns to their roots. My hubby and I just received a call from said wild child alerting us to the fact that her sister needed us and was trying unsuccessfully to get in touch with us. And then she gave us a curt “good bye” hanging up promptly. Perfect, we are not, but family we will always be.

Secondly, to my concerned friend (and anyone else who feels beyond reproach enough to offer an opinion), please give me the courtesy and space to figure out and experience my OWN feelings. Maybe I am reserving judgment on my Wild Child because I want to wait and see how things progress over time. As my beloved late Father in Law used to say, “You don’t know if something is a good thing, or a bad thing. In the end, only time will tell”.

And, you know what else? This instance of a family member missing an event is only ONE THING in a plethora of happenings occurring in our life. Many events are actually very wonderful. For instance, my eldest daughter is marrying this May and she just achieved her Masters in Education. Not to mention the fact she has held a full time job for the last 8 years. I would describe this as a successful launch into adulthood! Something to rejoice and be happy about! Let me also mention, that at this up-coming wedding, I have my own very special friends and former bridesmaids in attendance! How blessed am I to have kept connections throughout a lifetime with these wonderful women! Oh, and this July? My hubby and I celebrate 30 years of marriage – for better and for worse, we honoured that, all of that, and we are still together. Something to be proud of, I would say.

I could go on and on about happy blessings, but I won’t. At the end of the day, my life is as beautiful as it is difficult. And may I suggest, if we were all honest, this is true of everyone. So let us all suspend judgement on each other’s families and the situations that arise within them, and instead let’s just replace all this with grace. Let’s call each other, of course. But let us simply say hello and ask how the other is doing.

Let us give each person the grace and space to narrate their own story.

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My Quirky Fun Little Family of Bloggers

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My eldest daughter has become a blogger! I could not be more proud. And, now, her latest entry has gotten so many views (If you would like, you can view it here!)

How I love the perspective my daughter’s words bring. Her writing emphasizes our connection, yet from differing vantage points – the view of a baby boomer and that of a millennial.

Her latest blog discusses milestones so many of the 20-somethings are facing. And I have to say, I am so proud of her strong and courageous perspective! She remains true to herself as she navigates the sometimes stormy waters of age-mates getting married and settling down, when this is something she is not yet ready for.

I recall myself, at the tender age of 23, and the social group I was involved with as a result of my then-boyfriend (and now husband!) They were all getting engaged, married, buying houses and having babies. I was still so excited about my job as a legal secretary for a “Bay Street” law firm, and my lovely little apartment at Yonge and Eglinton in Toronto (coined “Young and Eligible” at the time!) Eventually, their constant domestic conversations overwhelmed me. After all, we were still so young! I asked myself, was this all there was to life now? All the anticipation of growing up culminates in this?

I recall one New Year’s Eve in particular, where we were all together. In keeping with what had become customary, the boys were in one group talking and the girls in another. The female conversation quickly turned to the usual – who is getting married next? Who is preggers now? What is the best choice – breast feeding or formula? Ugggg! I finally reached my limit! With a large dose of frustration, and a wee bit of liquid courage, I dared to say the unsayable: “Is this all we are going to talk about from now on? Is this the only thing we have in our life now? Marriage and babies? That’s it?”

Well, let me tell you, the silence dropped like a bomb. It was like a brick descending on me with such force to knock me out. Multiple saucered eyes turned my way and stared wordlessly. And finally the silence was broken with this icey-toned comment: “You have a problem with marriage and babies??? You don’t want that?????” A quick exchange of horrified looks, then more curious silence followed, eyes still fixed on me – the aberration of nature apparently. Suffice it to say, what a damper that was to the evening. I was left feeling that there was something seriously wrong with me. And I vowed to keep my mouth shut moving forward. After awhile, the ladies resumed their conversation, this time subtly excluding me.

I am so glad my daughter is in a better place than I was so many years ago!

Flash forward to 2017, and I actually did become a married lady (29 years in the next few weeks!) and I did manage to have the standard two kids, with the beautiful home – and even a lovely grandchild thrown into the mix!

But, I am thrilled to announce, that was not all there was to it!!!

Though raising my children turned out to be the most enjoyable job of my life – there were other careers!!!! And each has enriched my life so much in so many different ways! I have grown and met new people and learned new lessons and enjoyed all of my years, including those parts that had nothing at all to do with my husband and marriage and children! How very blessed I am!

So, I was so thrilled to read that my daughter is looking forward to a future that includes, yes, marriage and children, but also SO MUCH MORE! And the huge thing for me is, she feels quite free and confident to voice this! How incredible! What a leap from my night so many years ago.

I am so incredibly proud and grateful.

Please check out her blog!

Breathe Past it

Once upon a time in yoga class, we were laying in savasana and the instructor guided us to breathe into each part of our body. She advised that, should we have an injury, no matter how old, to breathe past it. Breathe past it to a time before the injury, when there was no pain.

Today I paid a visit to my home of nearly 30 years ago – the place where I came of age. I walked the surrounding familiar streets, stood outside my former apartment building, and sat in the green space behind it. And I breathed. I breathed past it all. Past 29 years.

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I breathed past disappointments in myself and others;

I breathed past “what ifs”;

I breathed past struggles, hurt, anger and all the other baggage-injuries that 29 years can hold.

I sat as I did as a 20 year old. Full of youthful confidence, strength and hope for the future.

I was just quietly myself.

How lovely. I found the essence of me.

Such peace.

Such healing.

I decided right then and there –  I am taking this me back as I leave.

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